Restless Mom: The Stay at Home Diaries

Sometimes it becomes very clear to me why I'm bad at being a stay-at-home mom. I really admire women who are good at it. It's a skill. It's an art. And a very desirable one! It's one of the best things you can do for your family - hands down. Your children will benefit in their development from the hands-on contact with a doting parent, your husband will find that he can work harder and progress more in his career as a result of the extra home support, and you will have a deep and abiding level of satisfaction that you are delving into the most important aspect of your life: family. For those blessed enough to have the financial option of only one income, I completely understand why someone would choose to stay home while their children are pre-school. Go for it! By all means!

Unless you're like me. Being at home even 4 hours a day during the workday is tough for me. My mom always said that I love to burn the candle at both ends - I don't feel complete (or even satisfied) unless I'm doing a million things, all of which have measurable results and result in outside praise. It's downright narcissistic. I get a truly ridiculous amount of joy from working on a project, focused and determined, then standing back and admiring the tangible products of my work. If I don't have another project to throw myself into immediately, I will fuss over the last one, checking on it, looking at it from multiple angles, pouring over every detail. I know how unhealthy it is, but of course, that has no effect on my behavior. I am trying to change - trying being the key word.

Being at home is like wifely purgatory to me sometimes. Housework is thankless and never ends, WAHM projects seem like a money pit, and a good day is one where the living room ends up looking like it started. I know, I know. How ungrateful. I'm a pig, and the pearls thrown before me are just getting in the way of my slop. But a girl's gotta vent - so here it is. Take today for example. There's PLENTY to do, but my dissatisfied cabin fever has kept me from doing any of it. I don't want to accomplish any of these tasks, and since I don't have a supervisor to dock my pay, I'll just sit here and write this blog. Maybe I'm restless b/c I didn't get to exercise that much this week - it feels a little like that. Mostly it feels like how I remember getting bored toward the end of summer break as a kid. Just restless. And overheated. And whiny. Oh the whining.