My husband and I spent several years living in Europe, making an annual trip back to the states for a week or two around Christmas. After a few years there, we had our first baby on German soil. How romantic! How unique! How exotic!
Until it's time to bring baby home to meet grandma.
We made the transatlantic flight back home several times, and they were all - well - pretty awful. The worst part was not the crying or the thrashing or the incessant dropping of toys. It was the constant anxiety about what the other passengers were thinking. You get the looks from the moment you board - as you waddle down the aisle (laden with every baby-distraction device known to man). Those looks that say "Oh please, for the sake of all that's good and holy, please don't let them sit near me!" Then, as you try to wedge your kid's car seat into the obscenely minuscule space (that you paid $400 to rent for 9 hours) it comes - the dreaded comment.
"Hope that kid isn't going to cry through whole flight"
Sometimes you just overhear it as he or she "whispers" to their fellow traveler. Sometimes they just come out and say it. It doesn't always come in such a harsh form, but it might as well. And all I could think was "Yeah. Me too."
I recently came across this photo, and I had a variety of reactions. In chronological order, I thought:
1. Well that was considerate. And smart.
2. Wait, what on earth? Why are they catering to those people? Those other passengers should be charitable enough to think of the poor parents, not demand bribes from them.
3. As if it wasn't bad enough that the family had to prepare for a long flight with twin 14-wk-old infants, they had to pay for and prepare and carry on hundreds of baggies of candy and ear plugs.
I read in the notes that accompanied this photo that some of the passengers thought the little gift was cute and thoughtful, but some thought it was overkill. I wish I could say I agree with the latter, but I have been there. I have felt the burning eyes of 70 jet-lagged travelers as my child screamed for the second consecutive hour. I know that niceties would go far. I've even considered doing something much like this.
Should I have given in? What do you think? Did the parents of these twins (who reportedly did very well on their first flight) do the right thing, overreact, or react too defensively to a very real sense of judgment? Or am I totally off-base on my analysis? Maybe I'm just imagining all those glances and comments - maybe I'm stuck in my own stage of flight-grief (#2 - guilt!)
Either way, I feel like it's a symptom of something bigger. Our society (wasting away for lack of procreation - yes, really) has lost touch with what a baby is, how they react to natural circumstances, and how to empathize in a charitable way. No wonder no one wants kids any more! Complete strangers treat them like a burden. It's a challenge to bring them to a restaurant, much less an airplane. And American parents worsen the situation by isolating themselves with defensive reactions to any advice or correction. If it takes a village to raise a child, you must allow the villagers to help.
In the end, I brought my baby girl back to the states to see her grandparents as often as I could. Some flights were better than others. All told, I crossed the atlantic 7 times before she was a year and a half. Every one of those trips was a necessity (it would take no less to do it!). I suppose that makes me a bit of a subject matter expert. I think that what those parents did was understandable, smart, and creative - but I wish that it hadn't been called for.
Next time you're on a plane, and you see some poor frazzled parent boarding, please do this small courtesy that one wonderful passenger once did for me: Look them right in the eye and say "What a beautiful child! I'm sure she'll be an angel - but even if not, I'm happy to have the seat beside her."
It's the little things folks. No candy bribes necessary.
If you like this post, you may like some other slightly sarcastic mommy banter. Check out:
- Letter of Resignation: 2-week notice on staying home with the kiddos
- Potty Break: My plea for potty-based sanity
- Get the Heck out of my Bed! Co-sleeping for claustrophobics
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